'For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'
Steering at the white wall, feeling overwhelmed and thinking how am I going to raise three children alone...?
I knew I was in trouble, this felt like my worst nightmare has come true.
“You never know God is all you need until God is all you have.”
The pain was unbearable, the pain was real and the pain felt like forever. Here’s the thing about emotional pain, there is no painkiller for it but one thing is certain, it is purposeful, there are lessons learnt through pain.
Like any other married couple, we had our own challenges and it seemed like we were not different, but divorce was not something that I anticipated. Fresh from college at the age of 22 I had just finished my HR Diploma, got myself married and was married for 11 years/10 months. Most parts of my marriage I was a housewife, I dedicated my time in raising my children, supporting my husband and investing some of it in the family business.
At the age of 34, I had to come face to face with new realities of being a full time working single mother and a student while pursuing my dream of being a psychologist. There were times when I felt, I never signed up for this, I never wanted my children to grow up without a father. It felt like I was not living the life I envisioned for myself and it seemed like God had a different plan. This took me through a journey of rediscovering myself and finding my life purpose, which I believe, it would have never been possible if it were not for the experiences that I went though. I went through pain, hurt, anger and eventually everything came full circle, as I asked myself “Zanele how did you contribute to this failed marriage?”. This question seemed unfair at the time, yet it led to me to own up. I grew up with low self-esteem, I looked up to others for my own worth, and happiness - had unresolved “Daddy issues”.
Life experiences are our training ground
The realization of my issues helped me to identify problem areas and deal with it. It took me years of self-development and self-healing and what I have since realized is, that eyes that are full of tears, don’t see clearly. During difficult times, our focus is the biggest indicator of whether we are draining or rooting ourselves, during these stressful times, we are not robbed of answers/solutions to our problem, we are not deprived of the help we need, but rather we are not silent enough to hear. Our problems make the loudest noise that we can’t hear the very answers to our prayers.
What is often not evident during challenging times is our elevation, we mistaken being “planted for being buried”. We need to realize that there’s a reason why God allows us to go through certain experiences and often these experiences channel us to our purpose.
In my mess there was definitely a message.
Today I am living purposefully, I mentor & coach teenage girls, and if it was not because of the experiences I went through, I would not have found my God given assignment.
So here’s the thing about life, things don’t just happen, everything carries in itself a blessing in disguise.
Our salvation comes from unlikely places and in unlikely ways but it comes.
'Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.'
Zanele Nkosi is a mother of two girls and one boy, she is also a mother to many girls that come to the SHE IS ME PROGRAM including girls from the Johannesburg children’s home. SHE IS ME SA is a registered NPO that offers holiday mentorship programs for teenage girls. The programs are meant to inspire girls to grow into responsible and active citizens, to make value based decisions, by equipping the girls with tools they need, some topics that are covered include
critical thinking skills. The program also support and assist parents in effective parenting through NEWS LETTERS. Zanele is a part of the Persistent Program that offers Coaching Services to you people.
Zanele currently work full time as an HR Manager, she has a Diploma in Human Resources, a Degree in Psychology and currently completing her Honors Degree in Psychology. Zanele is a trained Life Coach, NLP practitioner and also has completed Parent Effective Training. Zanele is an author, known as Zanelewithheart, where she share’s her life’s stories as a tool to inspire.
Where to find Zanele Nkosi: